“Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.” - H.L. Mencken
Via Very Short List, a TV Classic.
No cue cards, no teleprompters, and no second takes–legendary funnyman Sid Caesar pioneered live television sketch comedy with his 1950s sitcoms Your Show of Shows and Caesar’s Hour. This classic sketch is “Argument to Beethoven’s 5th,” Sid Caesar and Nanette Fabray play a married couple in a argument with pantomimed action and the dialogue is classic music.
I regularly watched this program in high school.
Hilly out, flat back. Stopped by our good liquor store to see if they had Fee Brothers Orange Bitters. No. Bitter, indeed. But then I found on Amazon a set of Fee Brothers Bitters: Peach, Orange, Grapefruit, Lemon, Mint, and Old Fashioned Aromatic Bitters, all from West Indies.
I was accompanied by Jo Stafford—for example:
After she retired, she and her husband Paul Weston worked up a comic duo “Jonathan and Darlene Edwards,” playing and singing with determination and a tin ear, as a party gag. People loved it and talked them into recording. (Greatest Hits I and Greatest Hits II.)It’s quite enjoyable once you know it’s a gag. I couldn’t find much, but here’s Jonathan Edwards showing his chops on the piano:
If you’re a tech-industry geek, you’ll find this video extremely funny due to high truth content.
This is safe for work if you turn off the soundtrack, which is not really needed. Super-evolution: one pair of rhinoceruses on Noah’s Ark gave rise to 100-200 species in two centuries. (Very prolific, eh?: a new species arising on average each year, just among rhinoceruses.) Here’s the video:
Another great Greenwald piece, and another small extract (and again, the whole thing is definitely worth reading):
Here is what David Ignatius said two weeks ago when demanding that Congressional Democrats give the administration what it wants and stop questioning Mike McConnell:
People who try to occupy a middle ground in these debates find that it doesn’t exist. That reality confounded Gen. David Petraeus this month. . . . . Now the same meat grinder is devouring Mike McConnell, the director of national intelligence. He’s a career military intelligence officer who ran the National Security Agency under President Bill Clinton. As near as I can tell, the only ax he has to grind is catching terrorists. But in the vortex of Washington politics, he has become a partisan figure. An article last week in The Hill newspaper, headlined “Democrats question credibility, consistency of DNI McConnell,” itemized his misstatements and supposed flip-flops as if he were running for office.
Absolutely. Why would anyone dare to suggest that our Director of National Intelligence is anything but pure in his motives and deserving of the blindest of faith in his statements? Just because he got caught manipulating and outright lying to Congress by agreeing with Joe Lieberman that the new FISA law was instrumental in disrupting a German terrorist plot, even though that was a complete fabrication, is hardly any reason to question this Good, Decent, Responsible, Serious Leader. And that is to say nothing of his hysterical and incomparably manipulative shrieking back in August that a Terrorist Attack was about to happen at the Capitol and Congress had better pass the FISA law they want or else blood would be on their hands. And then, more importantly still, there is the fact that McConnell has more extensive private sector connections than virtually anyone in the country to the very telecommunication companies for which he is now demanding amnesty, and he has spent the last decade working on behalf of the very companies who would be the prime beneficiaries of this extraordinary legislative gift. In a healthily functioning political system, McConnell would be disqualified from opining on an amnesty bill for companies to which he is so closely tied.
But to our Beltway opinion-makers, the opposite is true — McConnell is the Unimpeachable Source, and if he decrees that National Security requires Amnesty for his friends and colleagues in the telcom industry, then no decent or serious person will question that. Or else they will have Blood on Their Hands.
UPDATE III: I just learned that the FISA bill cooked up by Democratic Sen. Jay Rockefeller’s Senate Intelligence Committee does contain full retroactive amnesty for telecoms. Here is a list of all registered Verizon lobbyists, and here is a partial list of some of the lobbying firms working on behalf of AT&T. AT&T was the fifth largest contributor to Rockefeller’s last campaign, followed by the National Cable and Telecommunications Association in Sixth place, Bell South in Ninth Place, and Verizon was in the top 20.
It’s basically legalized bribery and influence peddling — they pour money into the campaign coffers of these Senators from both parties, pay former government officials such as Jamie Gorelick to help them, and then these Senators jump and pass laws providing that they will receive amnesty for serious felonies. And Joe Klein and David Ignatius are all for it.
The Goon Show is a wonderful radio comedy. The first episode I heard was as I was driving to the Iowa City Public Library listening to KSUI, the University of Iowa radio station. It was something about a plot to smuggle solid gold saxophones, and a Hercules Gritpyppe-Thynne described one Count Jim Moriarty as the French overland saxophone champion.
I arrived at the library, turned off the car engine, and continued listening until the end of the program. From that day I tuned in every week. I soon grew to know the cast of characters, played by Spike Milligan, Harry Secombe, Peter Sellers, Ray Ellington, and, occasionally, Max Geldray and the announcer Wallace Greenslade. Just writing those names takes me back.
The Goon Show Site has lots of information on the show, and you can now buy episodes on CD, with 25 released thus far.
Here’s one scene from the show. It’s a radio programme, so the video is just distracting filler for the eyes. Try listening with your eyes closed. The two characters are Eccles, the complete idiot (for whom all those books were written), played by Spike Milligan, and the much beloved Bluebottle, played by Peter Sellers (and based, Sellers later recounted, on a scout leader he met on a train who had that very voice).
From the New Yorker, a great Shouts & Murmurs column:
Dr. Goodbody’s Total Goodbody System™ is such a revolutionary and completely natural way to eliminate all your health problems that it is quite common for people to feel frightened before using it and to feel disoriented and more frightened afterward. Before calling our customer-service line or 911, we suggest that you sit down, drink eight glasses of water, and read our responses to the following testimonials, submitted by other satisfied customers just like yourself.
$750 for a thirty-day supply? That’s $25 a pill. Isn’t that a lot of money?
—J. Lowell, Charlottesville, Va.
Not when you consider that that comes to just about a dollar an hour—a dollar for an hour free of all your pains and complaints. Wouldn’t you pay a dollar to feel like a million bucks? You’d have to be crazy not to.
And it’s not merely a “pill.” Each Dr. Goodbody’s Total Goodbody System™ daily bolus contains the entire line of Dr. Goodbody Solutions™, including ColoRooter™, BloodFlush™, TumorStopper™, and several other remedies that are no longer available in most states. That’s why each pill weighs nearly three ounces, and why we recommend that you take it with eight glasses of water and the supplied lubricant.
My doctor has strongly warned me against trying your system, and told me not to come crying to him when my insides fall out.
—C. Mazin, Brooklyn, N.Y.
Of course your doctor would say that.
I have been taking my daily bolus with eight glasses of water for three weeks now and have seen none of the results graphically depicted on your Web site. Instead I have gained sixty pounds and have become so bloated I no longer have fingerprints. What am I doing wrong?
—T. O’Donnell, Sherman Oaks, Calif.
You need to increase the size of the glasses of water. But keep the total number of glasses to eight.
Via Healthbolt, this collection of Weight Watchers Recipe Cards from 1974, just 33 years ago—my God! a generation ago! How time flies. At any rate, wonderful recipes for treats like:
I found them while helping my parents clean out their basement a few years ago. They were neatly arranged in their own plastic file box. Plenty of the dishes seemed normal enough, but as I flipped through them, some of the recipes began to alarm me. And then I found the card for the “Rosy Perfection Salad.”
I fell over. Like I Iaughed so hard I started coughing and I fell back on the floor and I waved the card at my mom, who just rolled her eyes. “Can I please have these? Please?” I begged. “What do you want them for?” she asked. “To cook?” “No,” I said. She let me have them. I think they might have been my grandma’s, but she never copped to actually buying them. Nobody else did, either.
These cards mystify me. None of them have calorie or nutrition information of any kind, and in some instances it’s hard to tell what’s dietetic about the recipes at all, except that they’re unspeakably grim. And yet also, completely insane. They appear to be from a much kookier era of Weight Watchers. There’s a certain serve-it-at- your-next-key-party freakiness to a lot of these dishes.
Dehydrated onion flakes are in almost everything here. Apparently Weight Watchers dieticians depended heavily on dried onion flakes, and pimientos, too.
They also had a prop department that was clearly out of control. Oh, you’ll see.
As far as I know, I was never served any of these dishes as a child. I probably would have repressed the memory, anyway.
This feature owes a great spiritual debt to sites like Cate’s Garage Sale Finds and especially James Lilek’s Gallery of Regrettable Food.
Here’s the text of James Webb’s address:
Good evening.
I’m Senator Jim Webb, from Virginia, where this year we will celebrate the 400th anniversary of the settlement of Jamestown – an event that marked the first step in the long journey that has made us the greatest and most prosperous nation on earth.
It would not be possible in this short amount of time to actually rebut the President’s message, nor would it be useful. Let me simply say that we in the Democratic Party hope that this administration is serious about improving education and healthcare for all Americans, and addressing such domestic priorities as restoring the vitality of New Orleans.
Further, this is the seventh time the President has mentioned energy independence in his state of the union message, but for the first time this exchange is taking place in a Congress led by the Democratic Party. We are looking for affirmative solutions that will strengthen our nation by freeing us from our dependence on foreign oil, and spurring a wave of entrepreneurial growth in the form of alternate energy programs. We look forward to working with the President and his party to bring about these changes.
There are two areas where our respective parties have largely stood in contradiction, and I want to take a few minutes to address them tonight. The first relates to how we see the health of our economy – how we measure it, and how we ensure that its benefits are properly shared among all Americans. The second regards our foreign policy – how we might bring the war in Iraq to a proper conclusion that will also allow us to continue to fight the war against international terrorism, and to address other strategic concerns that our country faces around the world.
I don’t think Rich Little will quite have the snap that Stephen Colbert did. (video)
Oh, my—there goes the day: the 50 best movie cartoons and a link to an on-line video of each.
Update: Hmmm, quite a few are “no longer available,” though the Warner Brothers cartoons are there—including one of my all-time favorites, “One Froggy Evening.”
Although this one is pretty funny: Todd Schriber, the communications director for U.S. Rep. Denny Rehberg, R-Mont., solicited two hackers to hack into his college records system and upgrade his GPA. The GPA must be pretty low, because Todd Schriber is palpably an idiot. Here’s the report, which includes a link to the correspondence.
TalkingPointsMemo has more, including this little gem:
It pretty much goes down hill from there, with the highlight probably being the request for pictures. The ‘hackers’ ask for pictures of the campus with squirrels and pigeons to make sure he’s ‘legit’. He says he doesn’t live near campus anymore. Remember, he lives in DC, not Texas. So they tell him any picture of a pigeon or squirrel will do. Don’t ask. You’ve got to read it to believe it.
Comedy Central has ordered “Lil’ Bush: Resident of the United States,” a cartoon satire that re-imagines President Bush and key executives in his administration as elementary school misfits.
The title character is surrounded by close pals like Lil’ Cheney, who grumbles unintelligibly, and Lil’ Condi, who pines for Lil’ Bush and does his homework for him.
“Bush” is not without its risqué moments. When Lil’ Bush’s school serves falafel instead of hot dogs for lunch in one episode, he and his pals torture the cafeteria employees with methods made famous during the Abu Ghraib prison scandal.
Six episodes from writer-producer Donick Cary (”The Simpsons”) have been ordered to air on Comedy Central next year.
“Bush” got its start in September as six five-minute clips offered by Amp’d Mobile, a U.S.-based wireless service that packages video entertainment programming with cell phone service.
A slightly altered ending to Charlie Brown Christmas.
What if programming languages were women? A male programmer might describe them in this way:
There are so many programming languages available that it can be very difficult to get to know them all well enough to pick the right one for you. On the other hand most men know what kind of woman appeals to them. So here is a handy guide for many of the popular programming languages that describes what kind of women they would be if programming languages were women.
Assembler - A female track star who holds all the world speed records. She is hard and bumpy, and so is not that pleasant to embrace. She can cook up any meal, but needs a complete and detailed recipe. She is not beautiful or educated, and speaks in monosyllables like “MOV, JUMP, INC”. She has a fierce and violent temper that make her the choice of last resort.
FORTRAN - Your grey-haired grandmother. People make fun of her just because she is old, but if you take the time to listen, you can learn from her experiences and her mistakes. During her lifetime she has acquired many useful skills in sewing and cooking (subroutine libraries) that no younger women can match, so be thankful she is still around. She has a notoriously bad temper and when angered will start yelling and throwing dishes. It was mostly her bad temper that made grand dad search for another wife.
COBOL - A plump secretary. She talks far too much, and most of what she says can be ignored. She works hard and long hours, but can’t handle really complicated jobs. She has a short and unpredictable temper, so no one really likes working with her. She can cook meals for a huge family, but only knows bland recipes.
BASIC - The horny divorcee that lives next door. Her specialty is seducing young boys and it seems she is always readily available for them. She teaches them many amazing things, or at least they seem amazing because it is their first experience. She is not that young herself, but because she was their first lover the boys always remember her fondly. Her cooking and sewing skills are mediocre, but largely irrelevant, it’s the frolicking that the boys like. The opinion that adults have of Mrs. BASIC is varied. Shockingly, some fathers actually introduce their own sons to this immoral woman! But generally the more righteous adults try to correct the badly influenced young men by introducing them to well behaved women like Miss Pascal.
PL/I - A bordello madam. She wears silk dresses, diamonds, furs and red high heels. At one time she seemed very attractive, but now she just seems overweight and tacky. Tastes change.
The NY Times reports that the local board who opposed the display of a “peace” sign have all resigned and the community has responded with a great show of support for the house that displayed the peace sign. (Earlier post here.) The story:
Peace is fighting back in Pagosa Springs.
Last week, a couple were threatened with fines of $25 a day by their homeowners’ association unless they removed a four-foot wreath shaped like a peace symbol from the front of their house.
The fines have been dropped, and the three-member board of the association has resigned, according to an e-mail message sent to residents on Monday.
Two board members have disconnected their telephones, apparently to escape the waves of callers asking what the board could have been thinking, residents said. The third board member, with a working phone, did not return a call for comment.
In its original letter to the couple, Lisa Jensen and Bill Trimarco, the association said some neighbors had found the peace symbol politically “divisive.”
A board member later told a newspaper that he thought the familiar circle with angled lines was also, perhaps, a sign of the devil.
Alert Reader passed along a pointer to this NY Times article in which 22 funny people were asked what five comedies they would want if they were alone on a desert island.
What surprised me was how little overlap there is. The list, sorted by number of mentions:
4 for This Is Spinal Tap (Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, 1984)
3 for Dr. Strangelove (Peter Sellers, 1964)
3 for Dumb and Dumber (Jim Carrey, 1994)
3 for Sons of the Desert (Laurel and Hardy, 1933)
2 for Animal House (John Belushi, 197 
2 for Groundhog Day (Bill Murray, 1993)
2 for The 40-Year-Old Virgin (Steve Carell, 2005)
2 for The Big Lebowski (Jeff Bridges, 199
2 for The Jerk (Steve Martin, 1979)
2 for Young Frankenstein (Gene Wilder, Teri Garr, 1974)
And one vote for each of the following:
Spiritual research indicates that 96% of the causes of addictions are due to ghosts (demons, devils, negative energies etc.) or departed ancestors. The seeds of addictions are introduced in the womb itself by ghosts. Due to the spiritual nature of the cause of addictions, only spiritual remedies can successfully alleviate addiction.
Oh, yes. Listen, I have to go do something else now….
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